Winter Olympics: Finnish cross-country suffers frozen penis in 50km race

Credit: Lehtikuva/Markku Ulander/Getty

Winter Olympics: Finnish cross-country suffers frozen penis in 50km race

If there was one thing we’d never want to experience here at Ozzy Man Reviews, it’s a frozen d*ck. Yeah, nah, that just sounds f**ken horrible. If you agree, spare a thought for cross-country skier Remi Lindholm. In a 50km race at the winter Olympics he was afflicted with a frozen penis, an iced-up custard chucker, a frosted flesh trumpet. And, get this, it’s not even the first time!

So yeah, before we go on, let’s get one thing clear. We live in a warm climate and we f**ken love living in a warm climate because our love gun is never gonna freeze. Yeah, nah, even the thought of it is f**ken gross. Don’t get us wrong, we know we could google whether or not it looks all frostbitten, but we’re not going to. No one needs to see that.

Still, Remi Lindholm loves cross-country skiing so much that the first time his schlong froze solid, he didn’t f**ken quit the sport. Nah, yeah, he went out there and did it again. And, as you know, it happened again.

We don’t know whether that’s a testament to his enduring love of the sport or whether it’s something else, but we wouldn’t be doing that s**t. Still, we digress. This time, the Finn spent just under an hour and sixteen minutes in the freezing cold and howling wind before the painful incident occurred.

“You can guess which body part was a little bit frozen when I finished, he told Finnish news outlets. “It was one of the worst competitions I’ve been in. It was just about battling through.”

Once the race was over, he got his love muscle functioning again by applying a heat pack. He said, “When the body parts started to warm up after the finish, the pain was unbearable.”

No s**t.

Final thought: Yeah, f**k, this bloke really loves cross-country skiing. And that raises a simple question: what do you love so much you would endure a frozen penis for it? Let us know in the comments section.

Just in case you missed it, here’s one of Ozzy’s latest commentary videos…Ozzy Man Reviews: NFL Half-Time Show