Couple unable to get pregnant for years find out they were doing it wrong

Making babies is one of those things that seems to be so easy people manage to do it by mistake all the time. Sh*t, plenty of you blokes and sheilas probably wouldn’t be here if they didn’t. If you’re looking for an easy way to tell, you can probably assume that if you’re the eldest or the youngest (with a massive gap between you and the others) you might just be a happy accident! Having said that, not everyone finds it so easy to procreate. If you and your significant other have been having a few dramas, this story might help provide an answer…

For this story, we’re taking the dirt track to China’s Guizhou Province. We’re not sure it’s the best way, but it’s definitely the way we’re going. Hopefully you don’t make any bum-steers on the way. When we get there, we’ll have a chat to Dr Liu Hongmei.

Her: Still no luck.
Him: I just don’t understand why this is happening! Credit: Getty

Dr Liu was volunteering at a free clinic for locals in the underdeveloped and economically disadvantaged province and that’s where she met a couple with a tragic story. The unnamed couple had desperately been trying to make a baby for several years but had been unable to make the magic happen.

Upon questioning, Dr Liu discovered the wife was finding the horizontal shuffle painful and uncomfortable. After what sounds like a particularly invasive investigation, Dr Liu discovered they’d been doing it wrong. They hadn’t been parting the pink sea at all. Nor had they been roasting the broomstick or harpooning the salty longshoreman.

The free clinic. I hope they had a curtain or something. Credit: Dr Liu Hongmei

Nope, Dr Liu discovered – somehow – that she could fit three fingers in the woman’s asshole and the husband had been doing his missus up the chuff the whole time. Yeah, nah, they weren’t doing it in the traditional sense at all. They were stretching the starfish. They were introducing one-eye to brown-eye. They were taking vegemite valley. No wonder it hadn’t worked.

Dr Liu reckons the two must never have received sex-ed classes at school. Strange they couldn’t figure it out by trial and error though. The doctor gave them a handbook to take home with them.

It turns out they figured out exactly where the stink-pickle should go. They were pregnant in no time. They were so happy they sent Dr Liu 100 eggs and a live hen.

No. That’s one finger too many. Credit: Dr Liu Hongmei

Final thought: This is one of those stories that are hard to believe. But even if it’s not true, it’s definitely one that’s funny enough to chuckle over regardless. To bring you back to the start of this piece, if you’re having trouble making babies, make sure you’re not taking the poophole loophole and see if that fixes things up.

Just in case you missed it, here’s one of Ozzy’s latest commentary videos…Ozzy Man Reviews: Flexible Woman

H/T: 9Gag.