Police find 44 diamonds in bloke’s human pocket

Credit: Albuquerque Metropolitan Detention Center/Fair Use Policy

Police find 44 diamonds in bloke’s human pocket

We’ve probably all heard the saying that pressure makes diamonds. While it’s kind of true in a geological way, we tend to use the phrase as a metaphorical way of saying someone does well under pressure. The reason we’re telling you this is that just the other day, police in Albuquerque, New Mexico, were a bit surprised when they saw a bloke pull a bag of diamonds out of his ass during a routine traffic stop…

As you can imagine, the buggers were a bit baffled at first. The bloke they’d pulled over, 23-year-old Eusebio Padilla, was only driving a motorbike without a licence plate when he was stopped. Obviously, there’s some pressure there, particularly when the cops put you in handcuffs, but unless you’re terrified you’re going to get in trouble for something else, you wouldn’t be that scared would you?

Credit: Albuquerque Metropolitan Detention Center

But, it has to be said that the thought of going to prison for something so minor and having your asshole hammered by a bunch of convicts because you dropped the soap would probably make anyone clench like a vice. And young Eusebio clenched so hard, he was soon found to have 44 diamonds in his butt.

Credit: Fair Use Policy

So, er, yeah, right after he was handcuffed, the lad was observed removing a baggy from his ass and placing it on the ground. Officer Daniel DeGraff saw this and promptly picked up the baggy. Imagine his surprise when he saw four-dozen diamonds in there.

DeGraff said, “Based on the uncommon behaviour of concealing diamonds in packaging commonly used to store narcotics, and concealing it in his butt cavity, and the attempt to get rid of the item, it was apparent to me that Padilla must have known the baggy of diamonds was stolen.”

Padilla claimed he scored them from a relative who usually dealt in stolen goods so they’d probably been flogged. He was planning on using them to buy drugs. Deadset, Eusebio, you’re really not helping yourself with all these admissions.

Credit: Twitter

Oh, and the cops also found a knife on the bloke. As you can imagine, he’s in deep s**t, just like the diamonds.

Final thought: What do you really say about something like this? I guess you just need to make sure that if you’re going to ram stolen diamonds up your cable-cutter, you should probably avoid riding a motorbike without plates. It just seems like common sense to us.

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