Doctors invent new tool to dislodge 23-inch dildo from bloke’s ass

Every now and then, we’re all faced with a problem that’s a little bit humiliating to bring up in a public setting. A small problem that’s slightly awkward to talk about. A tiny little dilemma that we’re not sure, we can face even the professionals with. If you’ve been in that situation, you’ll no doubt sympathise with the Italian man who had to confront his doctors with a truly humongous problem. Somehow, he’d managed to get a 23 inch dildo trapped in his ass and it was up to his doctors to remove it.

Credit: Tringali, A. et al./BMJ Case Reports, 2018

Geez, we’ve all been there, right? Anyway, let’s start this off with a little exercise in imagining the situation. You’re a doctor in an Italian hospital and it’s been a quiet day on the ward. You had to bust out the stethoscope a few times, you had to tap some knees with a spoon, and you had to tell a few blokes named Giuseppe to stay off their feet for a few days and everything would be just fine.

And that’s when the bloke with an asshole that’s not quite as cavernous as he thinks it is, walks in. Pretty soon after, the nurse – definitely trying not to smirk – comes over and says, “Doctor, you know how you were wishing for some excitement?” and the only thought you can muster in response is, Oh, shit. What now?

Credit: Disney

Fast forward a little bit. In fact, let’s not make this too gross. Just imagine that scene in The Sword in The Stone where the knights are trying to yank the sword out of the stone. Considering doctors said the dildo couldn’t be removed by hand, this is probably a pretty good analogy. Just doctors running in from everywhere to try and yank the offending item out of the offended poop-chute.

Around about this time, one doctor who obviously watches MacGyver devised a little contraption of his own. Using nothing but a bit of medical wire and some stent tubing, he was able to get a good grip on the hilariously massive dong and pull it, slurping and sucking all the way, out of old mate’s toothless one.

The owner of the dildo was so grateful they didn’t have to operate that he even left doctors with a card thanking them for their efforts. No word on whether he left his number or a party invitation in there also.

Doctors have since recommended their tool be used in all extreme dildo extraction scenarios.

Credit: Tringali, A. et al./BMJ Case Reports, 2018

Final thought: We’re not ones to judge here at Ozzy Man Reviews. We think if you like it, within the bounds of reason, you go for it. There should probably be one caveat though. If you are going to stick anything all the way up your cloaca, you should probably make sure it’s got some sort of drawstring – or that it’s not finger-tight. It’ll save everyone a lot of time and embarrassment.

Just in case you missed it, here’s one of Ozzy’s latest commentary videos…Ozzy Man Reviews: Street Fightin’ Men

H/T: IFLScience.