The craziest sh*t people have walked in on

The craziest sh*t people have walked in on

By now, the world’s come to reach a pretty simple understanding with Reddit. Basically, if you freakazoids keep your crazy sh*t over there, we’ll allow you to run amok within your confines. Mostly, this is a great arrangement – not least because it gives us one simple place to mine for internet gold. Take this thread for example: What’s the most f**ked up sh*t you’ve walked in on…

Credit: Reddit

As you can imagine, some of the stories in here get pretty dark pretty f**ken quickly, so before we begin, remind yourself that there aren’t too many filters for Reddit when it comes to spilling a good yarn.

This summer I was leaving work in a rural area in NY. Got to the main highway, let a motorcycle pass, turned and started down the road behind him. He was going fast.

anyone who lives in rural NY can probably guess where this is going.

I see a deer bolting across a field ahead of us. Surely this man on the motorcycle sees the deer? Hopefully the deer hears the motorcycle?

Nope. The deer runs into the road, the guy wipes out, the deer miraculously jumps over the skidding bike and runs off.

I stop my car, start running to the guy while I’m dialing 911. There’s a thin layer of what used to be his foot spread out over the road. He’s screaming for me to get the bike off him. Other cars are stopping and we pull the bike off him while I’m trying to get an ambulance. His hand was completely fucked. His foot was pinned under his bike, his shoe came off, and it was shaved down to the bone. He took off his helmet, and we saw he was probably close to 80. He was chewing on a toothpick and it went through his lip. We wrapped a belt around his leg to stop the bleeding. The ambulance arrived, they took him, and I never heard what happened to him. He was wearing jeans, a leather jacket, no gloves, and loafers.

The bloody skid mark that used to be his foot was there for days until it rained and got washed away.

– Tyrannustyrannus

Credit: Fair Use

It’s always good to get things started with some self-inflicted gore. We’re betting plenty of you out there in the comments section ride motorbikes and have your own stories to tell, but it really sounds like this bloke didn’t put his best foot forward.

Friend and I went out to get pizza and took his little sister too. Gone maybe 20 minutes. Got back and his little sister runs inside before us. He walks after her and I follow. As I get in I see both of them frozen in place staring at something. As I round the corner I see their dad strangling their mom, both crumpled on the stairs leading up. It was eerily fucking quiet, like she was sitting there dying without a sound. I was in a state of shock but I wasn’t paralyzed by it so I walked over and calmly grabbed his wrists and pulled his hands from her neck. Still no sounds at all, super quiet. She started gasping then and the sound snapped everyone out of it. That’s when all hell broke loose with everyone screaming and freaking out.

My own mom asked why I didn’t beat the hell out of him and I had to explain to her that I was in a sort of calm daze. I was watching someone trying to kill someone else and I just couldn’t process it. As an adult now I would have absolutely beat him to a greasy pulp but I was like 16 then.

She survived with a badly bruised neck and thankfully did everything right: restraining order, divorce, moved away.

– Unchanged

Credit: American Pie

There’s nothing quite like witnessing an attempted murder to keep a young fella on the straight and narrow. On a serious note, abuse like this is far more common than it has any right to be. Check in with your friends and family and make sure everything’s all good from time to time.

I used to work in a prison. It’s a British female prison and I was a male officer.

At lock up time I was getting everyone back to their cells, mainly by ineffectively shouting at the women, but slowly they were getting “banged up” for the night.

I walked in this one cell to check and on the floor were two women inserting a 2L full coke bottle into the other, fat end first, the inserters were about 25 and the receiver 50.

I just noped out of there, came back 5 mins later and everyone was back in their own cell with just the receiver sat watching tv in her own cell. Not a word was said by me or them. Locked everyone away and never told anyone except my wife when I got home, and she was like yeah well you can fit a baby out that way a coke bottle isn’t that much wider!

– MrMoonUK

Well, er, he said it himself, but some of them certainly were getting ‘banged’ up. Also, does it sound like his wife wants the coke bottle to you?

Credit: American Pie

Stopped by an apartment complex to check it out years ago. They had a community area with seats and tables set up in their main office where people can sit and talk. They also had a computer in the corner that could be used by anyone who lived there. At the computer sat a man who was probably in his 70s and on the screen was an image of a vagina that he zoomed in so it filled the screen. He slowly looked back and me and made eye contact with me. He then slowly turned back and stared at the vagina some more.

I backed out of the doorway and drove to the next rental office.

– IHaveButt

So that’s where Grandpa got to!

My youngest brother is into cosplay. No biggie. He was actually pretty good at making costumes. Except this one time he made this one costume that he basically lived in….make-up and all. The character was a villain from some obscure video game. He would wear it every day. And if he wasnt fully done up he’d wear the white body suit and the headpiece instead. It was pretty terrifying. Well, one night I pulled into the driveway. We lived at the end of a wooded lot…..and there he was standing, in full costume. His dirty ass costume that he never washed. At the end of the driveway, in the darkness. I couldn’t tell if he was jacking it, or whatever, but I can only assume he was. It felt like some Ed Gein shit.

Also, he came to Easter dinner in this costume one time. I’m sure it was some kind of sexual gratification for him.

– Extraasherman

Yeah, nah, that one gets a big f**k no. That guy must have a bodycount higher than Rambo by now. You need to get him some help.

Credit: Fair Use

Full story: In high school I had a socially awkward friend that was into the furry community, but not in a sexual manner. I don’t know if he was being totally honest about that, but at the time, I believed him. It was just another weird nerd subculture as I understood it at the time. He was invited to a party nearby through an online forum, and asked me to go with him as, again, he was terrible in social situations and I’ve always been pretty good at going with the flow and not taking myself too seriously.

We got there and the first 2 hours of the party were great. Light drinking, some hookah, a few party games…we were definitely the youngest there but I wasn’t about to pass up free booze and no one ever asked my age so I just…didn’t say anything. Then this girl, with her boyfriend draped over her shoulders, asked me if I wanted a blowjob in the bathroom.

“Uh…wouldn’t he have a problem with that?”

He chimes in, “Hell no man have fun with her.”

“Ah, well, appreciate the offer but I’m actually taken (truth).”

They shrug, “alright, your loss” and move on.

Around that point I noticed that the party was dying down and people were starting to leave…or at least, disappear to somewhere. That offer weirded me out so I asked my friend if he was ready to go and he said ‘sure’. I asked where the toilet was and the host directed me downstairs. I walk down the stairs and they ended in a small landing, door on my right, and door on my left. Open the door on the right; it’s a shelved closet and the first thing I notice is a dog in a kennel. Odd, but maybe for a party it makes sense. I then noticed that every shelf is filled with various dildos and other sex toys and furry ears, tails, etc.

Ok…guess I wasn’t meant to see this, let’s try the other door.

Immediately hit with a nauseating wave of sweat and sex stank and an undulating mass of flesh and fur suit. I see a single beckoning hand, and can’t even reason who it belongs to. Close the door, grab my friend, get in the car, and piss at the first gas station.

I have no idea if he knew what it was (doubt it, he could barely talk to stranger let alone fuck them, and was also 16) or if he ever found out. I drove him home, and as he was getting out said, “I don’t think I can go to any more parties like that man.” and drove off. Never spoke of it again.

– ThatOneRussian

What’s the bet his friend ended up back there?

Now, because we have to finish with something that’ll leave you horrified forever – and that is actually kind of reminiscent of Palahniuk’s work in the novel Snuff, enjoy this…

This happened to someone I know in a different hospital.

The hospital had a relatively small ICU. A total of somewhere between 6 and 10 beds. A patient was admitted to the ICU, for an out of control infection that happened after he went swimming in a lake a week or so after discharge from a previous hospital admit when he had managed to catch his pants on fire. He had severe burns covering his entire lower body, front to back, and ankles to waist; testicles, penis, and all. Swimming in unclean water after something like this is a recipe for disaster. He was diagnosed with necrotizing fasciitis and had recently undergone a surgical debridement of his lower body, and the nurses and neighbors in the ICU were constantly complaining of the odor coming from his room due to the necrotic skin he had.

He was a pretty pleasant guy in a bad situation, but he had the most frustratingly loud and abnoxious, huge and trashy girlfriend that was constantly harassing the nurses and medical staff.

My buddy, a physical therapist assistant, walked into the patients room to get him moving for the day and wasn’t really paying attention to the sounds behind the door/curtain into the patients room. He pulled back the curtains to see the very large trashy girlfriend riding the patient. In the process they had managed to remove all of the patients lower body dressings, which my buddy stated were heavily saturated with bloody drainage, and draping off of either side of the bed. He said he remembered being hit by the smell first, but his jaw dropped when he saw her butt covered in slimy drainage and clotting blood.

From what he remembered that guy died a week later from infection related complications. He says he still pictures what he saw on that day every time he gets a patient in that room in the ICU.

– DPTKhaz

Final thought: Er, yeah, that’s enough internet for now. Still, you know the next thing we’re going to say. If you’ve got a f**ked up story, share it in the Facebook comments so we can all have a bloody read.

Just in case you missed it, here’s one of Ozzy’s latest commentary videos…Ozzy Man Reviews: Chameleons