If you’ve ever dreamt of owning a pocket-sized hippo, here’s ya bloody chance!
If you’re an animal-lover, you’re probably familiar with the idea of wanting to keep all sorts of cool creatures as pets. We know we are. And after all, who hasn’t tried to convince their parents to get them some sort of deadly exotic animal? Still, it seems that the closest you can really get – unless you’re living in a completely bats**t society – is a pygmy version of something, like a horse or a pig. Well, now, you might be able to get something that satisfies your cravings for a pet hippo.
Now, we’ve gotta run a disclaimer here. We’re not sure who in their right mind would want to keep a hippopotamus as a pet, but we’re also pretty confident that there are people out there who reckon it’s a great idea.
To an extent, we’re inclined to agree. That extent, though, is f**ken infinitesimal. Yeah, nah, it’s not that we don’t like hippos, it’s just that they could only make good pets if you could somehow shrink them down and do away with the monumental amounts of s**t they can pump.
And even then, you’ve gotta remove their aggressive tendencies. And while we’re calling them ‘tendencies’, we should point out that it’s more of a psychotic bloodlust. Deadset, hippos are f**ken b**tards. Teeth like daggers, bulk like the f**ken juggernaut, and an obvious love of maiming, disembowelling, and killing.
But, despite all that, it can, apparently be done. Sort of. To see what we mean, check out the skinny pig. The little buggers you can see in the pictures are obviously not hippos. They’re hairless guinea pigs, but you have to say they do sort of look like cute little miniaturised hippos, and when the animals are as f**ken lethal as hippos, something like this will do nicely in their place.
Apparently, skinny pigs were scienced into existence when scientists let a hairless guinea pig and a hairless lab strain get it on. If you want one, just look ‘em up online. We’re sure you can manage it.
Final thought: The thought we’re left with here is for the scientist whose job it is to try to make different varieties of animals f**k. Don’t get us wrong, we’re sure it’s for a worthy cause, but how do you explain to your parents that you’re basically a matchmaking rodent pimp? Yeah, nah, dilemmas. They exist.
Just in case you missed it, here’s one of Ozzy’s latest commentary videos…Ozzy Man Reviews: Self-Isolation Compilation #3