Bloke reveals what drug-fueled ‘sex island’ hooker party is really like

When the term ‘Sex Island’ is thrown about, we are probably thinking of beautiful sandy, tropical beaches, tanned bodies in the sun and a bit of sand in the crack. That image will likely stay a dream for most of us, but for those who aren’t aware, a Colombian company has thrown off the shackles, making an all-inclusive binge-romp accessible for anyone with a credit card.

The Sex Island website describes a paradise where hornbags can hook up with up to 16 women in their rooms at once. The drug-friendly environment is a playground to unleash the inner fiend and lose several pints of fluid.

They make it sound like you can go up to the bar and ask for a Boogie Sugar / Viagra double! Surely not. You’d be forgiven for thinking this is some kind of scam… so we’d better have a listen to what New York dentist Ryan has to say about the 2017 event.

Minimum dress code / Credit: the Sun

This dirty bastard told his wife he was going away on ‘business’, and whilst teeth may have been involved at several times during his ‘conference’ it is unlikely that Mrs Ryan would have approved of his debauchery or been happy with any souvenirs he carried back.

He said:

“I read a story about Sex Island in a New York newspaper and said, ‘Wow, I need to do that.’

“After I paid the money they sent me a golden ticket with my name on it.

“There were 30 of us altogether, all men except for one couple. Most were professional guys, doctors, lawyers, aged between 25 and 50. Half of them were married.

“There were some nerds from Silicon Valley who had never done this kind of thing before and were nervous at the beginning.

Just a few sea shanties being sung / Credit: Sex Island

“There were two Brits, a businessman and a lawyer. There were Australians and Canadians, and a lot of Americans.

“There were two big pop stars from Canada. I immediately recognized one of them, he’s very famous and it quite took me back.

“Each man had to choose the two girls who would keep them company during the entire trip.

“Just 15 minutes into the trip I was already on a bed with them.

Ever wonder what your grandparents were doing at our age? / Credit: Vimeo

“All the other men were happy with their girls, except one who had arrived last and wanted a skinny girl and began to complain that his was too curvy.

“They quickly got rid of the girl he’d been left with and found another girl of the type he wanted.”

Ryan revealed that “drugs were available all the time” and “there were lots of drugs, pills, poppers, cocaine and all the big ones.”

“There were some others I’d never heard of before, like one they called ’toothy,’ it’s pink and you sniff it, it really gets you excited and makes you want to have sex.”

The confessional was fun / Credit: Sex Island

The holiday was apparently that good that Ryan and 10 other blokes dropped an extra $6000 to stay for three more drug-f*cked evenings. And even after he dragged his withered sack back to the Big Apple, Ryan was quick to purchase his tickets for this year’s event.

Most of the activities are G rated / Credit: Sex Island

Final thought: This pump-marathon would be a great birthday present. Patreon details to follow…

Wanna book a ticket? Here’s a little teaser for ya. And whilst you’re at it, here’s a bit of vertical dancing with a difference!