Canadian health authorities are recommending the use of GLORY-HOLES

As much of the world finds itself in various states of lockdown as a result of the b*stard Coronavirus, many poor fellas and gals are getting caught short of a decent root. Whether it’s not wanting to catch the virus yourself, or them not wanting to take it home to their family, it’s pretty damn hard to totally avoid fluid contact with the old ‘soft orifices’ when bumping uglies. But don’t despair, you don’t need to put the old fella into hibernation while we ride this thing out. The Canadian authorities have come to the party, recognising that modern problems require lateral thinking and modern solutions.

It’s not an easy problem to solve. On a microbial level, even the cleanest of romps are still bloody filthy, with all kinds of spit and juices and other muck getting everywhere! Yes, the best way to minimise the risk is to either do the old solo five-knuckle-shuffle or to jump on FaceTime and have a team sesh. You could even make it a race if ya feeling competitive! But in realising that they can’t stop folks from b-nking, the open-minded Canadians have given us a list of recommendations for good clean fun.

Credit: ISTOCK / GETTY IMAGES PLUS

These include wearing a face mask during the deed, not hooking up if you have any symptoms whatsoever, limiting the number of s*xual partners outside your household and using digital platforms to prevent any contact at all. But above all, the most batsh*t crazy suggestion is to have a crack at your local neighbourhood gloryhole!

The British Columbia Centre for Disease Control advises the public to ‘use barriers, like walls (e.g., glory holes), that allow for s*xual contact but prevent close face-to-face contact’.

For those who don’t want to whack the term into the family computer’s search engine, a gloryhole is a cutout in a wall (often in a dunny) at hip height and a lad can shove his wadge through for a bit of hanky panky with the person on the other side. The reason the health authorities recognise this is safer is because the wall not only ensures protection of identity, but also makes sure you’re not coughing corona mist over the other person during the act.

Credit: Irving Penn, Vogue, July 2006

The advice has sparked a trend with a New York publication saying the same thing. ‘Make it a little kinky.’ they reckon, ‘Be creative with s*xual positions and physical barriers, like walls, that allow s*xual contact while preventing close face to face contact.’ Strewth!

Credit: GETTY IMAGES

Final Thought: I reckon it’s bloody fantastic that some governments are showing a bit of creativity in their solutions and actually acknowledging that single blokes and sheilas have needs to be met. Usually it’s up to us to find a way around the rules, but here they are actually saying that putting your thingy through a hole in the wall is a goer! Stay safe legends!

H/T: Daily Mail